


Beating scars, relapse hearts

by charlieclifford



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, College, Coming of Age, Depression, Festivals, Fingering, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Molestation, Rimming, Runaway, Sad, Self Harm, Sex, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Top!Luke, all time low are kinda in it but not much, bare backing, bottom!Michael, idk what else, is that it?, it's not that bad, lots of anal, sort of, there's probably more - Freeform, top!ashton, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 19:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4758686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlieclifford/pseuds/charlieclifford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael's had a not so great childhood, now he's best friends with Calum and Calum slowly starts finding out things about him.</p><p>OR Michael's world is finally crashing and Calum doesn't know what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He wished he had a friend more than anything

**Author's Note:**

> Originally I intended for this to be a Malum fic but stuff happened and it's basically a roller coaster of a story. Hopefully you enjoy it.

When Michael was five he didn't really think much of it when his teacher Mr Richards gave him extra long hugs. It made him feel extra special and he'd always walk out of the classroom with a gigantic grin etched across his face and run into his mum's awaiting arms, already rambling about what a fantastic day he'd had and pointing at all the gold stars he'd received that were randomly littered around his jumper. He'd talk so fast that he'd stumble over his words and start new sentences before he'd finished the old ones but his mum never seemed to mind. She would just smile and say "It sounds like you had a fun day, Michael," and he had, so he'd nod along and drag his mum to the car so that they could get home a fraction of a second quicker because his dad would have his tea ready when he got home. 

It wasn't until Michael's sixth birthday when he realised something was wrong. He was unfortunately at school on the 20th of November and sulked for the entire car journey. His mum had to physically pick him up and drag him to the classroom where he stood with his arms folded and a pout on his lips. "Have a good day, honey," His mum said, offering a sympathetic smile and kissing his forehead. He didn't respond, instead he blew a raspberry at his fringe that had fallen in front of his eyes in hopes of getting it to move without the aid of his hands. His mum sighed and squeezed his shoulder before leaving.   
"Now then, Mr Clifford," A gruff voice spoke from behind Michael's small frame and he wasn't able to repress the corners of his lips turning upwards at the sound of it, "I hear that it's a special someone's sixth birthday today," Michael turned his head at that and was faced with Mr Richards' face only centimetres in front of his "Do you have any idea who's it could be because I'm stumped!" Mr Richards said, placing his hands on his knees in his crouched position.  
"Hey!" Michael groaned, shoving his shoulder, that almost caused Mr Richards to fall backwards, "You know it's mine," Michael huffed and folded his arms even tighter.  
"Of course I know, little guy," He said, reaching forward and ruffling Michael's hair "I've got a special present for you later," He smiled and Michael smiled too.

When Michael's mum picked him up later that day he wasn't smiling after Mr Richards bent down to give him a hug and whispered "You're my favourite pupil, Mikey" into his ear, he didn't walk into his mum's open arms, and he didn't tell her about his day. She presumed it was because he was still mardy at her for forcing him into school so she didn't comment on it and they drove home in silence. Michael didn't say a lot for the rest of the day. He had an awfully salty taste in his mouth and could still feel Mr Richards' hands all over him and it felt _wrong._ He'd never been touched like _that._

Despite Michael being a charismatic, friendly and kind six year old, he didn't have any friends. His parents would always tell him that he simply came on too strongly and needed to be a little quieter and listen when other people talked rather than talk over them. Mr Richards said it was because everyone was jealous of how close they were, and how he was _'his boy, his Mikey'._ That night, when Michael's dad had tucked him into bed, he wished he had a friend more than anything so he could ask them what to do. He liked Mr Richards and for some reason he wanted him to touch him again. 


	2. Like when your sister caught you wanking

"Michael, I swear to fucking god if you do not shut the fuck up I will ram this fucking pen up your fucking arse you fuckface."  
"Oh Cal, you say the sweetest things," Michael smiled, immediately ducking when Calum groaned and threw his pen at him.  
"All I want to do is pass my fucking A Levels, you dipshit," Calum sighed and threw his stack of notes on the floor. He flopped face first on Michael's bed once they scattered around the room and a few went out the open window "For fucks sake," he mumbled into the pillow and clutched it tightly.  
"Fuck isn't the only word in your vocabulary, Cal," Michael said, putting down his xbox controller and reaching out to pick up the sheets of paper "And who needs sociology anyway? You know what's really important and vital in life?"  
"Enlighten me," Calum said, making no effort to move his head from the pillow so that Michael could understand him more clearly.  
"Killing zombies," Michael grinned, walking over to the window and easily climbing out, perks of a one story house, "So shut the fuck up, get the fuck up, grab a fucking controller and press X," he said, returning with a small stack of paper "Sociology can wait."  
"If I fail I'm blaming you," Calum said, still not moving from his spot.  
"Sorry Mrs Hood, I'm the reason as to why Calum received 2 U's and an E, I super glued a controller into his hand and locked all of the doors and windows in my house - he was trapped!" Michael sarcastically said, gripping one of Calum's ankles with both hands and forcefully dragging him to the floor with a loud thump.  
"Fucking hell, Mike," Calum said, sitting up and rubbing his head, "And why not 3 U's?"  
"You need to aim high, young one," Michael said, ruffling Calum's hair and hitting play.  
"Oh all the things I could do with 20 UCAS points," Calum grumbled.  
"You'd only be 180 away from going to Uni!" Michael cheered and shot a lop sided grin at Calum and got a shove in response. 

"Well, that killed a good hour," Calum said, stretching his arms above his head and yawning, "Now back to Crime!"  
"Merton can wait, Calum." Michael whined.  
"How do you know about Merton? You don't even take sociology," Calum said, furrowing his eyebrows at his friend.  
"You complain about him practically every day, if you mention the underclass theory one more time I may have to shoot you in the head," Michael said, scratching the back of his neck and suppressing a yawn. "I could probably take your exam for you."  
"I doubt it, we haven't learnt the whole speck yet. But feel free to, you'd probably do better than me."  
"I appreciate that," Michael said, standing up with Calum and stretching his limbs and cringing at the sound of his bones popping in their sockets. "What's the plan for today, Hood?"  
Calum glanced at the clock on Michael's wall before responding "Well seeing as it's just gone 11pm and we're at college tomorrow I was thinking bed."  
"Sleep is for the weak."  
"You are weak, Mikey," Calum said, moving all of his unused revision guides and text books off the bed and into a stack on the floor.  
"I told you not to call me that," Michael said quietly, flopping down on the corner of his bed.  
"Yeah but you never said why," Calum shrugged, starting to strip off his clothes and discard them on the floor "Was it what an ex boyfriend called you or something? Did you date someone and not tell me because that seems very you."  
"Shut up, Calum," Michael said, climbing into bed and turning his back to Calum.  
"What? So now I don't get the pleasure of seeing your face?" Calum laughed but suddenly stopped once he realised Michael wasn't in a joking mood. He sighed and climbed into the other side of the bed "Are you at least going to take your jeans off?" Calum asked, attempting to put his arm around Michael, but having it harshly tugged off.

"Michael," Calum sighed after a few minutes of silence, "I'm sorry okay? It was an accident and it won't happen again." He huffed when he didn't get a response. He figured that the logical explanation as to why he was now receiving the silent treatment was because Michael had drifted into dreamland, so he reached around the boy and attempted to undo his belt.  
"What is it with you and trying to see me in my underwear?" Michael said and turned to face Calum.  
"I thought you were asleep," Calum whispered, inching closer.  
"I'm not," Michael smiled, which caused Calum to roll his eyes.  
"Obviously. Are you going to take your jeans off now because they'll be very uncomfortable."  
"Fine, mother," Michael joked and reached under the duvet, quickly pulling his belt off and dropping it on Calum's face before shuffling out off his jeans. "Happy?"  
"Ecstatic."  

"Are you ever going to tell me why?" Calum whispered. He was facing away from Michael now.  The alarm clock was right in front of him and the red lights read 2:35am. He knew Michael was still awake. He tended to question whether Michael was secretly a vampire on a daily basis as he was always the last asleep and first up. Come to think of it, Calum had never seen Michael asleep. He felt Michael's arm tense at the question from it's resting place of around Calum's torso.  
"No."  
"You know everything about me, Mike," Calum whispered. He wanted so desperately to turn around and see Michael's face. He'd learned that Michael found it very hard to lie when maintaining eye contact. "Even the embarrassing stuff."  
"Like when your sister caught you wanking," Michael said. Calum could feel his lips twitching upwards from where they were at the base of his neck.  
"You know all my stupid crushes and hook ups, and what I eat for breakfast. I don't even know what you eat in the morning, Mike!" Calum said, he could feel himself getting annoyed but kept his voice low as Michael's mum was in the next room and she had to get up for work early.  
"I don't eat breakfast, Cal."  
"See! I didn't know that. That's something I should know," Calum mumbled, blindly reaching his hand up until it grasped Michael's arm.  
"Well you know now," Michael sleepily chucked as he pulled Calum closer.  
"Michael," Calum sighed.  
"Hm?"  
"Just tell me one thing, one thing you haven't told anyone before."

Calum finally managed to get Michael to release his death grip on him and turn around to face the boy. His eyes were mostly closed and Calum knew that he was fighting to stay awake.  
"Like what?" Michael whispered, pulling Calum back into his chest and resting his head on top of the boys.  
"How old were you when you lost your virginity?"  
"Something else."  
"I know you have, Mike."  
"Something else," Michael said, a little more sternly than last time. He was so tired after stupidly pulling an all nighter the previous night and wanted nothing more than for Calum to shut up and go to sleep so that he could as well.  
"How old were you the first time you did anything remotely sexual with someone?" Calum whispered and looked up at Michael. He knew he was pushing the boundaries but Michael was so tired he didn't even think before answering.  
"Six."

As soon as the number slipped out of his mouth Michael was out like a light. Calum listened to the boys heart rate declining as he stared up at his closed eyes. _Six? As in six years old?_ His mind was buzzing with questions in it's confused state and he wanted nothing more than to wake Michael up and give him some context. _He must have meant sixteen, that sounds more like it._ Calum's thought were all jumbled up at this point. _He must have been so tired that he fell asleep before finishing the number. That has to be it._ Calum didn't know how long he had been awake trying to reason with himself that _maybe Michael said that as a joke for him to get off his case?_ He could hardly tell when Michael was being sarcastic these days so he chose not to question it any more tonight and find some way to ask Michael in the morning.


	3. Get me a fucking hot beverage

Calum was woken up by someone gripping his shoulder and roughly shaking it. In his half asleep state he reached out to whack the person away and was instead met with a rather loud yelp. He just about managed to open his right eye and looked up to see Mrs Clifford sternly looking down at he and her son in a rather questioning position. Michael's arms were tightly around Calum's waist and Calum's head was buried in Michael's neck. "Good morning," Calum said, trying his best at sweetly smiling. He wasn't too sure as to why Mrs Clifford seemed so shocked at their precarious placement as she'd walked in on them doing worse before.  
"It's almost seven and Michael doesn't seem to want to wake up for once," She said, checking her watch, "I have to leave for work, there's money on the kitchen counter for lunch, please try and get him up."

Calum waited until he'd heard the door close and Mrs Clifford's car drive away before he attempted to wake up himself. He carefully manoeuvred from Michael's grasp and sat up on the bed stretching. He glanced down under the duvet to confirm that he did in fact have morning wood and sighed before hauling himself out of the bed. The only sound that could be heard in the tiny house was the pitter patter of Calum's sock cladded feet as he made his way to the bathroom. He shut the door and palmed himself through his boxers whilst he rooted around the cabinet for his toothbrush. Seeing as he treated Michael's house as his second home it seemed pretty logical to store his necessities there.

He managed to squirt some toothpaste on his brush with one hand and started brushing his teeth as he reached his hand into his boxers and swiped his thumb over the tip of his cock, smudging the small amount of pre cum over his length as he pumped himself. He was quite impressed with his multitasking abilities. He bit down on his toothbrush when he felt knots forming in the bottom of his stomach and soon after the warm liquid shot short streams into his underwear and he rinsed his hand of it's remains. 

He sighed after spitting his used toothpaste into the sink at the obvious wet stain on the front of his boxers and regretted not taking them off. He grabbed a wad of tissue and wiped up as much cum as he could and hoped that Michael wouldn't be able to tell. He knew he would.

"Rise and shine, Clifford!" Calum sang as he jumped on top of Michael. Michael's body was quick to curl into a ball as he hugged his knees to his chest.  
"Go away," Michael mumbled into his pillow. His face scrunched in on it's self and Calum couldn't help but chuckle at his nose rising in disgust.   
"It's 7am, Mike!" Calum said, wrapping his arms as best as he could around Michael's torso.  
"I'm not getting up," Michael complained but made no move to push Calum away.  
"And why is that?" Calum asked, raising his head and resting his chin on Michael's arm so that he could peer up at him.  
"I'm just not."

"What's wrong?" Calum asked, lying down next to Michael, "Is it because of last night?"  
"Fuck off."  
"So that's a yes then," Calum sighed. "I won't say anything if you don't want me to."  
Michael opened an eye at that. He could just about make out Calum's silhouette in the dark room. "Promise?"  
"I promise."  
"Okay but go get me a drink first," Michael said, closing his eye and snuggling further into his pillow, trying to gather as much warmth as he possibly could before having to inevitably leave his comfy bed.  
"What's the magic word?"  
"Get me a fucking hot beverage."  
"Actually the word you were looking for was banana, but I'll let you off this one time," Calum said smiling as he jumped up.  
"Tea, one sugar," Michael muttered into his pillow.  
"I know what to do." Calum assured him, jumping off the bed once again and trudging down the hallway to the kitchen.

Michael doesn't shift from his position when Calum's out of sight, and already regrets opening his mouth at all. If there's anything that Michael hates the most it's when people know things about him. He hates to think that now Calum's got something to hold over him - and _what happens if they fall out? What if he tells someone or accidentally lets it slip?_ Michael can't stop these stupid thoughts swarming around his head. He knows that even though Calum can be a bit of a dick at times, he'd never intentionally hurt Michael. At least he hopes he wouldn't. He's never been put in this kind of a situation before with him so _how could he possibly know?_

Michael decides to find the answers to these questions by ditching Calum after school, claiming he's got a dentist appointment that he surely can't miss and Calum doesn't want to be the reason as to why Michael gets kicked off the NHS list and has to folk out hundreds of pounds to see a private one, so he doesn't question it and says he'll find some bird to bang when Michael really knows that he'll just go home and play Fifa with Luke until Michael calls him later. Sometimes it scares Michael that he knows so much about Calum when Calum knows so little about him and yet they've managed to maintain a pretty close friendship for the past nine years. He knows if he'd said that out loud Calum would have whacked him and said they're best friends.

Cursing at the fact that he can't drive for shit, Michael trudges to the pub where he'd spent the previous three years giving hand jobs to random guys who paid him the slightest bit of attention, and ordered himself a pint. The landlady, Maria, knows he's under age but she still pours it for him with the usual "It's on the house," before he even has the chance to pull his wallet out. 

He mumbles a quick "Thanks," before glancing around and noticing a few familiar faces that make him recoil. He's been up close and personal with half the dicks in here and he can feel the staring him up and down, eyeing him like he's a piece of meat. It isn't long before a twenty-something guy takes the stool next to him and greets him with a warm smile like they're old friends.   
"Can I get you a drink?" The guy asks and Michael nods and smiles at him, knocking back the froth that's left in the bottom of his glass before plonking it on the bar.  He's fully aware that he has a reputation here, his ears don't even prick up at the mention of his name any more because he's so used to it. "I'm George by the way," The guy says and offers his hand for Michael to shake.  
"Michael," he confirms, feeling slightly sheepish because of course _he knows who he is._  That's why he's talking to him.

They chat for a while, it's full of fake laughter and smiles that seem too wide, before George stands up and walks towards the men's bathroom. He glances back every couple of seconds and finally Michael stands up. He can feel people's eyes on him and he can hear Maria sighing as she organises some of the glasses, all it does it make him increase his pace. He's barely through the door when his arm's yanked and he's pressed up against the walls with rough lips trailing over his jaw and neck. He hates this part, he hates how easily he can be pulled around like a rag doll. He hates how in some way it makes him feel useful and causes him to forget about his problems and worries. 

His legs wobble as he gets pushed onto his knees and he wants to speak up and tell this George guy that blowjobs are off the menu, but his head's being thrusted forward and he's already chocking on this guys dick. The tip hits the back of his throat and he feels like he's about to throw up. _This isn't right._ He didn't get a chance to prepare but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he grabs the guys hips with one hand and cups his balls with the other, and from the sounds of it George loves it. Michael doesn't even have to bob his head because George is _literally fucking his mouth._ He can't move his head because it's held in place and there's spit everywhere. He can hear his blood rushing in his ears after a minute of this constant alien feeling and his jaw hurts so fucking much. It's aching and he wants to tell him to stop but his throat's sore and his voice is probably hoarse, so he squeezes George's balls slightly and the sweaty taste in his mouth is quickly replaced with a salty one.

George doesn't say goodbye or anything, he just pulls his dick out of Michaels mouth, wipes a hand over it to remove the slobber and shoves it back in his jeans before leaving. Michael falls back on his bum and just sits with his back pressed to the wall for a while rubbing his jaw. He decided a long time ago that its good that he gets to forget things for a while but, _fuck, he feels worse after._


	4. Why don't you offer to go kiss Luke better?

It's almost 8pm when Michael fishes his phone out of his pocket and calls Calum. He only has to press number one as of course fucking Calum put himself first in Michael's speed dial. It rings for quite a while and Michael presumes that Calum's mid fifa match. "Mike, hi," he hears Calum say before there's a loud bang and Calum muttering "Fuck," and the dial of a button or two "Are you still there?"  
"Yeah, I'm here," Michael says. He's outside now, walking home but he could easily change his route and head on over to Calum's house.  
"How was the dentist?" Calum asks and Michael sighs.  
"Fine I guess."  
"That's good," Calum says, he's nodding even though Michael can't see him. "Shit, Luke," Michael hears Calum whisper and it makes him stop in his tracks.  
"Cal, what the actual fuck are you doing right now?"  
"Um," Calum breathes and Michael's eyes are wide. He can hear the sound of lips smacking and he immediately ends the call. 

It only takes twelve seconds for Michael's phone to start ringing with _'Calpal'_ flashing on the screen and he's quick to reject it to let Calum know just how pissed off he is that he's hooking up with one of their friends and he didn't even know he was gay or bi or _whatever._ He doesn't even care about his sexual orientation or the fact that he didn't tell him, he cares that it's _Luke._ Luke of all people. The guy who used to call Michael a weirdo for dying his hair bright colours and for having a fringe covering his pretty eyes. He's the guy who gave Michael his virginity on Halloween because he was more scared of being forever alone than the haunted house, and then rejected him because he'd fallen for some _girl._

Granted, he'd never told Calum about Luke, and he presumed that it was vise versa as Calum never mentioned anything when he bought Luke round to his house one day to play Fifa. When Michael came round that day unannounced, the last thing he expected to see was the two of them slouched on Calum's bed, xbox controllers in hand. "Hey Mike, this is Luke," Calum said without taking his eyes of the screen because _he just knew_ that it would be Michael coming into his room. Luke was staring at him like a deer caught in some headlights and he missed Calum scoring the winning goal "You snooze you loose, Hemmo," Calum laughed, patting his shoulder. It was oddly peculiar that Calum didn't manage to catch onto the staring contest that was happening right in front of him. Needless to say - Michael didn't stay long.

Three rejected calls later Michael found himself opening the front door to his mum's worried face on the other side. "Michael!" She said, tightly wrapping her arms around him "Where have you been?" She asked, stepping backwards and holding onto his shoulders.  
"What happened?"  
"Calum called-," _Of fucking course,_ Michael thought to himself, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the persistentness of his best friend. "He sounded so worried."  
"I'm fine, mum," Michael grumbled, moving around her and slamming the door shut in his room. His jaw was still aching as he rubbed a hand over it. 

He resorted to playing WoW rather than taking the time and effort to reject Calum's calls. The last thing he wanted to do was listen to some pathetic excuse that Calum had managed to fathom in the past hour. He was mid raid when there was a knock at his door, he knew it wouldn't be Calum. Calum doesn't understand the concept of privacy. "Yeah?" Michael called out, not turning away from his screen.  
"Michael," He heard his mum say once the door was open, "This is important" she said, so Michael typed in 'afk' because he knew better than to ignore his mum.  
"What?"  
"You can't argue or protest," His mum started, and Michael gulped. "I've made you another appointment with Dr Green," she continued, talking over Michael's sigh "She cleared an appointment for tomorrow at 3 and I want you to go," Her eyes were wide when she talked and Michael didn't witness her blink once.  
"Aright, mum," Michael quietly said. His mum just stood there for a second, half in the door, half out the door, with her hand on the door knob.  
"Thank you," She said and nodded her head once "I've got to go to my shift."  
"Okay."  
"I love you."  
"I love you too, mum," Michael said before she closed the door.

Michael didn't resume gaming until he heard his mum's footsteps deploy down the hall and through the front door. He must have been playing for an hour or two before a small rock came into contact with his face. "Fuck," he heard being muttered from outside. Michael sighed before turning to his window where Calum stood looking sheepish.  
"What the fuck, Calum?" Michael said, picking it up from his lap and throwing it back at Calum, who held his hands up to his face to protect it.  
"I thought your window was closed," Calum shrugged, stepping closer and resting the palms of his hands on the ledge.  
"You're such an idiot," Michael said, moving over to the window and squatting down in front of it, with Calum following suit on the other side.  
"Hi," Calum smiled, but it immediately dropped when Michael narrowed his eyes at him. "I'm sorry."  
"For what? Throwing a rock at my face or the other thing?"  
"Please don't be mad at me," Calum said, and he looked genuinely sad, like the past few hours had been absolute torture without the knowledge that Michael was angry at him.  
"I'm probably going to have a bruise or scratch on my face now," Michael said, turning around so that his back was pressed to the wall now. he knew he'd soon crack if he kept looking at Calum's face.  
"I can kiss it better," Calum offered with a shrug of his shoulders that Michael didn't see. The offer did manage to bring a small smile to Michael's face that luckily Calum didn't see, but he soon spat out "Why don't you offer to go kiss Luke better?"

"Michael," Calum whined, reaching though the threshold to Michael's shoulder. "It was a one time thing I swear," Calum huffed when Michael shrugged his hand off of him.

"Sure it was."  
"I don't even like Luke, he's all legs," Calum complained.  
"You liked him earlier," Michael mocked, folding his arms against his chest.  
"Because I'm a dick."  
"True."  
"Do you like Luke? Is that it?" Calum unexpectedly asked and Michael shook his head, which caused a sigh from Calum. "I'm really sorry, Mikey," Calum said, followed by a "Shit, sorry," when he noticed how Michael tensed up.   
"Don't fucking call me that!" Michael yelled, jumping up from his spot and turning towards Calum.  
"I-I-I didn't mean to I swear," Calum said, slowly standing up from the ground with his arms slightly outstretched in front of him. 

Michael hated how quickly he could turn to anger. He hated how it was all because of _him. He hated him._ He hated his damn parents for not noticing. He hated his fucking school for hiring _him._ He hated Calum for not noticing how fucked up he was. He just really hated _himself._

He had to turn away from Calum's expression because he looked so scared, like he actually thought that Michael was going to punch him or something. _Like he didn't know what Michael was capable of._ He had to cover his face with his hands to try and control his sobs. _He hated his fucking tear ducts._ It only took a couple of seconds for Calum to clamber through his window and tightly wrap his arms around Michael's torso, and Michael was glad that he still had his back to Calum. _He hated how weak he was._

"You're alright now, Mike," Calum mumbled squeezing Michael even tighter than before, and Michael wished he could believe him.


	5. Your good looks are bound to get you far in life

If you'd told Michael Clifford that he'd willingly be sat watching Luke cover Opportunity without a gun or any other weapon pointed at his dick he'd think you were bullshitting. Even Calum was shocked when he barged into Michael's room unannounced. The way that Michael quickly closed his laptop made Calum think that he was just watching porn, but the audio didn't cut off, much to Michael's dismay. "Is that?"  
"No," Michael snapped, before slouching. Calum raised an eyebrow before motioning for Michael to make some space for him, which he didn't, and it resulted in Calum sat in Michael's lap. "You're heavy," He complained, trying to push Calum off of him but he wouldn't budge. Instead, he opened up Michael's laptop and they watched the final few seconds of Luke singing. 

Michael huffed and wrapped his arms around Calum's waist and rested his head on his back. "I wish I had a good singing voice," Calum huffed once the video had ended. Michael just hummed in agreement "What could you possibly mean, Calum? You're so ruggedly handsome, your good looks are bound to get you far in life, and your voice screams pure talent," Calum said in a deep voice.  
"That's a terrible impression of me," Michael mumbled.  
"It was spot on!" Calum complained, clicking on another one of Luke's covers.  
"Please don't play another one," Michael says but Calum doesn't listen. He can't tell if it's because his voice is too muffled or Calum's just being an inconsiderate knob head. It's probably the second one.

They're four covers in when the front door slams and Michael flinches at the booming voice of him mum shouting "Michael Gordon Clifford!" He knows he's in trouble as even Calum mutters a "Shit, dude," and quickly presses pause on the video. His door gets swung open and his mum is red in the face. She doesn't even spare a look at Calum.  
"I just received a phone call from Doctor Green. Care to explain?" She calmly asks, giving Michael the benefit of the doubt and allowing him to share his side of the story, but there isn't one. He knows he missed his appointment because he simply didn't want to go. All they'd do is advise him to eat healthier and exercise more and then in a week or two when there are no different results he'd be prescribed anti-depressants even though he knows he doesn't need them. 

He obviously doesn't answer his mum's question quickly enough and clutches Calum's torso harder when she opens her mouth to speak again "I am doing this for your own good, Michael," She shouts and Michael swears that he saw a vein poking out of her neck. "Do you know what it's like in my shoes?" She carries on and it would seem appropriate if the walls started shaking. "Do you know how hard it is to be a single parent in a crappy council home with a son who's-" She cuts herself off from what she was about to say, but Michael knows.  
"Fucked up," He whispers and his mum's face softens slightly but she doesn't protest. Even Calum notices this part.  
"I rescheduled for 5 today, Michael, please just go," She says before adding "It'll help you."

His door closes and he can hear his mum quietly sobbing in the living room but he doesn't make a move to go and comfort her. And Michael tries not to cry, he really does, but a few stubborn tears manage to squeeze their way though his tear ducts and soak into the white cotton of Calum's jumper. "I can take you, if you want," Calum whispers and Michael laughs - _he actually laughs,_ because of course fucking Calum doesn't question why the fuck he's so messed up that he's being forced to see a shrink. Michael just about managed to nod his head into Calum's back for confirmation and Calum doesn't ask any more questions, he just hits play and Luke's pre pubescent voice fills the room.

At 5:03 he's being called from the waiting room into a small, white wash room. "Take a seat, Michael," Doctor Green says, offering him a smile that seems genuine. Michael hates it. The seat he's forced to sit on is lime green and plastic and was probably made for nine year olds. His knees are practically eye level when he sits down. "How are you feeling today?" She asks, leaning forward in her - far more comfy chair. Michael just shrugs. Honestly, he feels quite intimidated being forced to crane his neck upwards to see Doctor Green's face though. He decides that he'd prefer to sit on the floor. "That's not an answer, Michael," She says and _fuck, now he really feels like a child._  
"I'm fan-fucking-tastic," Michael spits. Doctor Green nods her head and decides against pointing out his profanity.  
"That's better," She smiles and glances at a few of the loose sheets of paper scattered in front of her. Michael wonders if they're all about him, old notes on the sessions from when he was fourteen.  
"Now it was Karen who made this appointment," She said, nodding to herself. "Would you like to tell me why?"  
"Not particularly," Michael automatically said in an attempt to shut her down.  
"Okay, that's fine," She said, shuffling a few of the papers around.

Nothing's said for a good few minutes and Michael's wondering if she's already given up on him. He's also wondering what Calum's doing in the waiting room. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd already left. He thinks to himself that it's possible that Doctor Green's testing him - seeing if he'll dare to break the deafening silence of the room. He knows he won't.

"I'm going to briefly bring up some of the things you mentioned the last time I saw you, which was - gosh- three years ago," She says, Michael feels like it was a lifetime ago. She looks up like she's waiting for his consent, so he nods his head once to show he's paying attention. "Okay, great. First up we have your dad-"  
"Pass," Michael mutters. Doctor Green doesn't press it.  
"Luke-"  
"Pass."  
"Mr Richards?" She says his name so slowly, like she's unsure of whether it was worth bringing up. She catches Michael's breath hitching. _He never thought he said anything about him._  
"Who's that?" Michael asks, trying to play it off and acting like he didn't have to covertly wipe a few stray tears from his cheek.  
"I'm not a hundred percent sure," She says, searching a few more sheets "I don't think we went into detail about him, it must have been something you mentioned once and I meant to go back to it."  
"Oh," Michael sniffles.  
"What about Calum?" She asks, picking up a pencil and scribbling something down on a page. _He knows it's about Mr fucking Richards._  
"He's my best friend," Michael says.  
"Well that's good," She smiles "He probably knows more about you than I do," She jokes and Michael furiously shakes his head.  
"I never tell him about me," He says before he realises "He doesn't need to know about this," He gestures to the space in between the two of them with his hand before dropping it to his lap.  
"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Michael," She says and Michael lets out a single laugh before dropping his gaze to the floor.

"That's probably enough for today," Doctor Green says, organising the sheets she used into a file. _His new file._ Michael thought those days of having his name printed on a beige file and being shoved into a draw with others 'like him' were over. Apparently not. "I also have a prescription for you," She says, signing it off before Michael can protest, "If you hand it into the front desk they'll take care of it for you," She smiles. He also thought his days of being doped up on prescription drugs were over.  
"Thanks," Michael mutters because he can't think of anything more appropriate to say, as he heads out the door. 

He spots Calum immediately, still in the same place that he left him, slouched over on a carpet-like red sofa engrossed in his phone. He glances at the front desk and they're already looking at him expectantly, _Doctor Green must have told them about him._ He quickly walks over and hands his prescription over, in return he's given a small white bag that contains two tubes of pills and an appointment card for next week. Same time, same day. He sighs before shoving it in his pocket and tuning around. Calum's stood next to him now, he must have noticed him when he was waiting for his meds. "Hi," Calum smiles and Michael can't help but flash him a small smile back, "Are we ready to go?"   
"Absolutely."


	6. I will break all of your game cartridges

It's not until two weeks later that Michael cracks. Calum, being the amazing friend that he is, decided to invite, well, drag Luke, to Michael's humble abode. "What the fuck," was the first thing Michael said when he saw Luke slowly trailing into his room behind Calum. His gaze was fixated on the floor, like he was expecting to blend in and pass undetected.   
"Mike, shut the fuck up," Calum sternly said, walking over to Michael's resting place of on the floor with his back propped up against the bed, and jabbing his chest with his index finger "If you say one thing that upsets him I will break all of your game cartridges and change your wifi password. Don't test me, Clifford."  
"What if he says one thing that will upset me?" Michael suddenly blurts out that causes Luke to recoil slightly.  
"Well seeing as you've never even spoken to him properly I doubt that will happen," Michael clenches his jaw when he makes eye contact with Luke.  
"Whatever," He mumbles and throws an xbox controller at Calum.

"You're probably wondering why I've gathered you both here today," Calum says after twenty eight minutes of Fifa. Luke was timing them from the other end of the room. He continues when he doesn't get a response "I think it's time you two set aside your differences," Calum shrugs. Michael and Luke's heads automatically snap towards Calum and both display shock. Michael's worried that Calum detects the increase of the thumping of his heart when he turns to look at him. "I don't understand why you hate each other so much."  
"I have a few reasons-" Michael starts but is interrupted by Luke.  
"Please don't," It's the first time Luke's actually spoken to him since they said goodbye on the first of November and Michael doesn't know how to respond. He's been so used to making sure to highlight Luke in the worst possible light behind his back that he doesn't know how to deal with _actual_ words that come out of his mouth.  
"See! Even Luke's in agreement!" Calum says, raising his arms up in the air and dropping them to his sides in a grand gesture sort of way.  
"It's none of your business, Cal."  
"Michael," Calum sighs, and Michael knows he's on the receiving end of a lecture "I never ask questions about anything, you know that. I know hardly anything about you and I'm really not fussed about it," Calum says, inching closer to the boy, "I just want you to do this one thing for me. Just try to give Luke a chance. Please, for me?" Calum asks, he's practically sat on Michael's lap at this point.

A second passes and Michael reaches his arms out so that Calum can actually climb on his lap. He slots himself comfortably with his legs straddling Michael's waist and their torso's pressed tightly together. Michael wraps his arms around Calum's waist and whispers "I don't know if I can, Cally," it's barely audible but Calum manages to pick it up.

Luke's still sat at the other side of the room. He just feels plain awkward and resorts to paying his attention into smudging the black sharpie pen on his fingernails that Calum had talked him into doing earlier.

"I'm not asking you to be best friends with him," Calum whispers back. Their faces are so close at this point that their lips brush together slightly when they move them to talk. If Calum wasn't his best friend Michael would probably be kissing him right now. If Luke wasn't in the room he would be kissing Calum right now. He'd kissed Calum before when they were younger, only ten at most, but he doubted that Calum remembered that.   
"I know."  
"I just don't want it to come to the point where I have to decide between the two of you," Calum admits, ducking his head so that Michael can no longer gaze into his eyes. He sighs and moves a hand to Calum's neck and pushes it forward so that they're hugging now. He looks over at Luke and Luke's looking back at him.  
"We'll try," Michael states, which causes Luke to nod his head, even though he's fully aware that Calum can't see him.

Calum presses his lips against Michael's neck a couple of times before he pulls himself from his lap and stands up on shaky legs. Luke stands up too, but he's still looking at the floor. "I'll see you tomorrow," Calum says when shooting Michael a quick smile.  
"Bye Cal."  
"Are you coming, Luke?" Calum asks and Luke shakes his head, which doesn't seem to faze Calum at all. "Okay, bye guys."

Luke slowly walks over to Michael and flops down onto the floor next to him "Well, the last thing I expected was for you to want to spend more time than necessary with me," Michael said, staring at the wall in front of him rather than at Luke's side profile.  
"Why didn't you tell Cal?" Luke asked, blatantly ignoring Michael's statement.  
"Why would I?"  
"You're best friends," Luke shrugs, like it's the most obvious thing in the world: _best friends tell each other everything._  
"He doesn't need to know."  
"You don't tell him anything, do you?" Luke asks and Michael's still slightly in shock that Luke's managed to say this many words to him.  
"Do you think if Cal and I met now we'd become friends?" Michael wanders out loud, finally daring to peer over at Luke's blank expression.  
"No."  
"I don't either."

"I was giving him a blowjob," Luke spoke up after a long period of silence. "When you called him, his dick was in my mouth but he still answered." Michael couldn't help but laugh at that. "You'd think he'd prioritise," Luke huffed, rather childishly.   
"I love him," Michael said quietly, almost like he was scared what would happen if someone heard him.  
"I know you do," Luke said, reaching out and lacing his and Michael's hands together. Usually Michael would have shoved him and told him to fuck off but as of now he really appreciated the comfort. "And let me guess: you reckon if he knew about half the stuff that goes on inside your head he'd never speak to you again?"

Michael rested his head on Luke's shoulder "My mum's making me talk to Doctor Green again," Michael mumbled "Calum knows about her but he doesn't know why and one day he'll ask."  
"And you'll blurt it all out," Luke responded, and dropped his head softly onto Michael's. "Maybe it'll end in hot butt sex like it did with us."  
"That's not funny," Michael mumbled.  
"I didn't intend for it to be," Luke sighed and pulled away from Michael. He turned around so that he was facing him "I want him to know, I want him to know the reason why we're so," he started flailing his arms around, trying to think of an appropriate word to describe their situation, but instead settled on "Us."  
"I don't want him to," Michael snapped.  
"He's going to find out eventually."


	7. Just stick it in, Hemmings

Michael didn't know how it happened but he and Luke were topless and making out on Michael's bed. He didn't even want to kiss Luke and he doubted that Luke wanted to kiss him, he just couldn't stop staring at the way Luke's lips stood out from the side of his profile and felt himself leaning forward. Luke's hands automatically reached forward and grabbed at Michael's shirt and Michael wanted to ask if Luke was expecting this to happen as he surely didn't seem surprised, but his fingers found their way into Luke's quiff and began slowly tugging at the ends of it.

"Michael," Luke breathed as he felt a scaly tongue forcing it's way into his mouth and colliding for dominance with his. Michael climbed on top of Luke and pushed him down onto his duvet causing their teeth to hit only once, but neither seemed to care.   
"Shut up," Michael grumbled, gripping onto both sides of Luke's throat so that he could feel the slight vibrations that slipped out of his voice box when Michael would harshly grind down on him.

It wasn't long before Michael couldn't stand the constriction of his skinny jeans keeping his cock tightly digging into his thigh. He pulled away and just about managed to pull his jeans off, even though they got stuck at his ankles. He turned to Luke, who was doing the same, so he peppered small kisses along Luke's jaw and Luke's neck and Luke's chest and _just Luke._ He ran his lips across any patch of skin that he could as Luke couldn't stand it any more and was just whimpering Michael's name on repeat beneath him.

He'd given up taking his jeans off as they were now just past his knobbly knees and Michael harshly tugged them off before grabbing his throat again. He kissed Luke so hard that he thought his lips would be bruised and bleeding because he could feel the outlines of Luke's front teeth. Michael squeezed his hands and Luke harshly grabbed his bum, digging his fingernails into the black material that covered it and caused Michael to let out a throaty moan that vibrated in Luke's mouth and made him feel all tingly.

It was completely different from the first time. This time, Michael wasted no time in pulling Luke's boxers down and spreading the pre cum from the tip of his dick down to the base of it and cupping Luke's balls - _because now he knew he liked it._ Luke wasted no time into flipping them over and freeing Michael of his boxers. "Do you have any lube?" Luke mumbled as he started kissing down Michael's neck and wrapping his fingers around Michael.  
"Just stick it in, Hemmings," Michael muttered but Luke wasn't having any of it.

He pulled away from Michael and stared into his eyes for a moment before saying "Turn around." Michael complied instantly. Luke's fingers went back to Michael's bum as he cupped it, and grabbed it, and squeezed it so hard that he knew there would be bruises in the shape of his fingertips there in the morning.

He shuffled down the bed and licked a stripe of spit against Michaels hole that made him clench."Fuck," Michael muttered when he felt Luke's tongue circling his hole and pressing the tip inside after every full rotation. Luke held three of his fingers in front of Michael's lips and tapped them a couple of times before Michael got the hint and opened up and sucked and licked on them, making sure to get every crevice up to the point where Luke was scared that he was going to swallow them.

He removed his tongue, which caused Michael to sigh and pressed a finger flat against Michael's clenching hole. "Patience," Luke muttered, taking his other hand and using it to hold down Michael's hips when Michael tried to shove it in himself.  
"I swear to fucking Christ Luke, if you don't do something soo-oh," Michael bit onto his wrist when Luke prodded a finger in through the tight ring of muscles. The first one was always the hardest. He slowly dragged it out, circled it around Michael's hole and shoved it back in on repeat until Michael whispered "More."

By the time he'd managed to squeeze all three of his fingers in and roughly move them, stretching them out and bending them in awkward positions, Michael was pushing his bum in the air to meet each shove. "You ready?" Luke asked, spitting on his hand and using it to slack up his dick before he held it against Michael's bum.   
"Yeah," Michael breathed but Luke didn't move. "For fucks sake, Hemmings," Michael complained, about to turn around, but was held down by one of Luke's hands. Luke chucked slightly to himself before he slapped Michael's bum with his cock once and slowly pushed it in. 

"Shit," and "Fuck," were the only words Luke seemed to be able to mutter when he slowly started moving in and out. Michael had his eyes tightly shut and blindly reached out and gripped the headboard so hard that his knuckles turned white whilst he got used to the feeling. "You okay?" Luke asked, leaning down so that his chest was pressed at Michael's back. He harshly bit down on Michael's shoulder when he nodded his head and grabbed his hips. 

"F-Faster," Michael managed to stutter out as Luke located Michael's prostate that unleashed a bundle of nerves inside of him and made him feel light headed for a moment. Luke rested his forehead in between Michael's shoulder blades as he grabbed his hips and slammed into the boy, which caused them both to move up the bed slightly. Michael was grateful that no one else was home right now as all that could be heard was the banging of the headboard of his bed against the wall. His knuckles felt like they were being constantly slammed into a door as they were still gripping the headboard, and of course being smacked against the wall along with it.

"Fuck, I'm gonna-" Luke started but suddenly chocked on a moan and let his entire body collapse onto Michael's as he heavily panted. After he'd managed to regulate his breathing he grabbed Michael's shoulder and turned him to the side so that he could take Michael's still hard dick in his hand and quickly move his hand up and down until Michael was quietly whimpering as the hot, sticky liquid hit his chest.

Michael turned and laid on his back, Luke was laid on his side, propping his head up with his hand "Do you still want to tell Calum?"


	8. Your cuddling technique is really bad

"Do you still smoke?" Luke asked, interrupting the stillness and silence of the room. They were both laid next to each other now, staring up at the ceiling. Neither of them had made a move to huddle closer to each other and Michael was glad of that. The first time they'd had sex Luke wouldn't stop clinging onto him, but by the morning he disappeared with a small "Goodbye," and wouldn't so much as look Michael's way.  
"No," Michael muttered. He was trying to keep his eyelids from closing, they felt like 100lb weights.  
"Why not?" Luke questioned and Michael halted his tongue from telling Luke to _shut the fuck up_ and _mind your own damn business._  
"Calum made me a power point presentation on the risks of lung cancer," Michael said, letting his eyes close "Not a lot of people want to kiss you when your tongue tastes like ash."  
"I wanted to kiss you," Luke mumbled. Michael chose not to respond to that, instead he reached out his hand until Luke got the hint and interlocked their fingers together.  
"I saw your covers on Youtube," Michael said.   
"And?"  
"You've got talent, Hemmings," Luke smiled at that and squeezed Michaels hand as a silent thank you.

"Do you still smoke?" Michael asked a minute later.  
Luke shook his head and said "No," he would have presumed that Michael was fast asleep if it wasn't for his thumb tracing little patterns on Luke's bony hand. "I only smoked because you did."  
"That's fucking stupid," Michael whispered "You should never do something to make yourself seem cool or just because someone else is doing it."  
"I know."  
"Do you?" Michael asked, tugging on Luke's hand slightly.

Luke sat up on the bed suddenly, which caused Michael to open his eyes, and straddled his waist. Their flaccid cocks were rubbing against each other but neither of them said anything about it. Michael didn't even feel aroused at the familiar feeling. Luke dropped his head to Michael's neck and pressed his lips to a spot that he had marked earlier. The skin was already fading to brown but he didn't care. If anything, Michael would be happy that this encounter would soon have faded from his body and forgotten about. He couldn't help but hiss when he felt Luke's teeth graze over the mark.

Luke's hands slowly slid down Michael's chest, he leant down and kissed every mark, scar and burn that he found littering his torso. Then, he moved onto Michael's biceps and ran his thumb gently across all the jagged white lines that littered it and let his fingertips run over the damaged pigments of his skin where he'd watch Michael press his cigarettes against his forearm to put them out instead of stepping on them like everyone else. When he reached the deep red scars on his thighs he heard Michael sniffle, but he didn't look up at him. He shuffled further down him so that he was perched on Michael's knees and was at the right angle to duck his head down and swipe the tip of his tongue against each of the red lines. Michael had to grit his teeth as some still stung from the ripeness.

Luke looked up at Michael then. His hands were covering his face and Luke could only just make out the shaking of his shoulders. "Don't do that," Luke pleaded, reaching forward and loosely grabbing Michael's wrists, managing to easily prise them off his face. His eyes were only a little red and shiny because Michael was willing himself not to cry. "Everything about you is beautiful," Luke whispered, leaning forward and pressing his lips against Michael's. Neither of them moved, and Luke's lips were so gentle that it was hard to tell if they were even kissing.

When they finally pulled away from what felt like hours, Michael grabbed Luke's arms and forced him onto his chest. He didn't cry and Luke didn't protest. "Your cuddling technique is really bad," Luke mumbled into Michael's shoulder.  
"Shut up, Luke. We're having a moment."  
"I'm just saying," Luke said, shrugging his shoulder "I mean, as much as I appreciate being squished onto your chest, I don't appreciate my dick feeling like it's about to snap in two." Michael pressed a smile to Luke's neck and squeezed him tighter which emitted a groan out of him.

"Michael?" Michael's head snapped to the doorway at the mention of his name. Luke gulped before turning his head too.  
"Oh. Hi Mrs Clifford," Luke said, trying his best to sound friendly but making no attempt at moving off of her son or grabbing the duvet and throwing it on them.  
"I-I-I-what are you doing?"  
"We're starting a band."

Michael was confused as to why his mum didn't say anything and instead left the room and closed the door. He let go of Luke so that he was back in a seating position on Michael's waist and cupped his cheeks "You're pretty," he said before Luke flashed him a boss eyed face.  
"Are we actually starting a band?" Luke asked. Michael smiled up at him and moved some of his fallen fringe from out of his eyes.  
"I'm pretty pro at guitar," Michael said, absent mindedly shrugging like it was no big deal when it was in fact an over statement. Michael could barely manage playing three notes at a time.  
"Me too."  
"I know, you numpty," Michael said, flicking Luke's nose and watching it scrunch up not a moment later. "I'm teaching Calum how to play guitar too."  
"So you're expecting for us to be a band of three guitar players?"  
"I think it would work."  
"I think you're an idiot," Luke mumbled and smiled innocently at Michael's narrowed eyes. "Also I'm pretty sure your mum is stood outside."

Michael hummed and looked over at his door. He could see the faint outline of a pair of feet. "I'm in some deep shit," Michael huffed and tapped Luke's bum to let him know to get off.  
"Do you want me to stay?" Luke asked, standing up and hunting down his clothes "Fuck, where's my shirt?"  
Michael shook his head and handed his Iron Maiden shirt over "Here," he said, before squeezing his legs into his jeans that he regrets buying a size smaller for their more _'punk rock'_ appeal. "It's probably best if you don't, and I wouldn't want to put you through a Karen lecture," Michael said, wrapping an arm around Luke's shoulder and dragging him to the door. He shot a pleading look at Luke before he opened the door to his mothers shocked face.


	9. I like lots of people, Cal

Michael found himself blindly stumbling towards Calum's house a week later, half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. "Cally!" Michael shouted and then cringed at the tone of his own voice. "Cally!" He shouted again, causing a few of the nearby dogs to start barking and for him to almost fall over at the shock of it.  
"Shut the fuck up, Michael," He heard Calum whisper down at him. He titled his head upwards and could make out the dark silhouette of a head popping out of Calum's window. It slammed shut and Michael frowned. He sat on the floor with his back propped against the brick wall and took a large swig from his bottle, only to have it ripped out of his grasp.  
"Hey!" He shouted, grabbing the ankle of the culprit and shaking it.  
"Michael, please speak quietly," Calum huffed, sitting on the uncomfortable ground next to him.  
"Calum," Michael smiled, picking up Calum's arm and draping it around himself so that he could snuggle into Calum's torso.  
"What's the problem?" Calum huffed, wiping the sleep that had formed in his eyes from the little time he'd had to actually be asleep.

When Michael didn't answer Calum thought he had fell asleep, so he nudged their legs together in order to get some sort of response "I did something bad," Michael whispered. His voice was so small now and so _scared._  
Calum wrapped his other arm around Michael and whispered "Do you want to tell me about it?"   
Michael shook his head but spoke up anyway "You have to promise not to get mad."  
"I never get mad."  
"Promise?"  
"I promise." Calum said, taking one of his hands and moving it up to Michael's hair so that he could gently pull on a few strands.  
"Do you like Luke?" Michael whispered. It was so cold outside that when he spoke he could see his words in the air after he'd said them.  
"Of course I like Luke," Calum shrugged.  
"You know what I mean."

Calum thought hard for a minute before shaking his head and saying "Not like that, no."  
"Good," Michael said, sighing in relief.  
"Do you like Luke?" Calum asked, pushing the bottle of whisky away from Michael's reach once he'd noticed he was reaching out for it. Michael shook his head. "Do you like anyone?" Calum knew he was pushing the boundaries, but he'd decided to take advantage of Michael's drunken state.  
"I like lots of people, Cal," Michael mumbled into Calum's shirt.  
"That's not an answer."  
Michael shrugged "I don't wanna answer it," He said, and sat up straight. He pulled his way out of Calum's grasp and picked up his bottle before Calum could object and drank as much as he could before Calum grabbed it again. Some of it dribbled out of Michael's mouth, down his chin and onto his shirt, but he didn't seem to care. He just wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smiled up at Calum.

"It's almost 4am, Mike," Calum said, trying to put his arm around Michael's shoulders but having it shoved away in response.  
"I had a dream," Michael said, looking down at his hands.  
"A bad one?"  
"A really bad one."  
"What happened?" Michael put his hand on the top of Calum's knees and pushed them so he'd get the hint and lie them flat on the ground, which allowed Michael to put his head on Calum's lap.  
"I saw him and he had a boy with him and he was hugging him and-"  
"Michael," Calum said, dragging his knuckles over Michael's scalp "You're going to have to slow down. Who's he?"  
"Mr Richards," Michael mumbled.  
"Who's Mr Richards?"  
"He was my teacher," Calum could hear Michael gulp at the name and he wondered why his voice started shaking. "He-he said I was his favourite. _I was his boy, I was his Mikey_ ," Calum's heart stopped "But he was with this other boy and he didn't even look at me."  
"Michael," Calum said, gripping onto the top of Michael's bicep "What are you trying to tell me?"  
"I miss him, Cal," Michael said, his voice cracked as he kept speaking "I just want to go back to when I was little, to when he loved me."

Calum bought his knees up to his chest so that Michael was forced to sit up. He took both the boys cheeks in his hands so that they were staring into each others eyes "Michael," Calum said, his tone was harsh but Michael could see tears gathering in Calum's eyes, "This is really important, okay?" He asked and Michael nodded his head, "What did Mr Richards do to you?"  
"I'm not allowed to tell," Michael said, gripping onto Calum's hands and trying to prise them off of his head.  
"I'm your best friend, Michael. You can tell me." Michael stopped squirming and looked forward at Calum. His hands were just above the boys elbows now, Calum's grip on his face was too tight.  
"I was his Mikey," Michael said, "I did whatever he wanted." He watched a couple of stray tears fall from Calum's eye sockets, but he was confused. _Why was Calum upset? Did he do something wrong?_  
"You told me you were six," Calum whispered. Michael nodded his head.   
"I was his favourite."  
"He raped you?" Calum asked and Michael frowned.  
"No he didn't."  
"Then what did he do?"  
"He wanted me to taste it," Calum couldn't take it anymore. He let go of Michael's face and turned to the side as he spilled his guts. "Cal?" Michael's tone of voice screamed concern as he ran his hand up and down Calum's back. "Are you okay?"

As soon as Calum had finished retching he pulled Michael into his lap and refused to let go "Cal?" Michael whispered, but Calum only hugged him tighter.  
"You're okay," was all that Michael could hear Calum repeating. His nose was poking at the side of Michael's neck and he could feel Calum's lips forming the words as he spoke them. He kept saying it over and over until it no longer sounded like words and instead was a jumble of letters making an unrecognisable sound.

"I'm sorry," Michael said, wrapping his arms around Calum's neck.  
"Don't say that, Mike. Please don't say that."  
"I shouldn't have said."  
"You haven't told anyone before, have you?" Calum asked, moving his head so that he could watch Michael shake his. "I'm sorry this happened to you."

Michael smiled at Calum as he placed his hands on the boys cheeks. He looked confused, Michael probably looked confused too. "Why are you so nice to me?" Michael muttered, but before he let Calum have a chance to respond, he felt himself leaning forward and gently pressing their lips together. Calum didn't move his hands from Michael's waist and when Michael started moving his lips against Calum's he didn't reciprocate. Michael didn't expect him to. He knew that in the morning he could blame his actions on the alcohol, so he moved his head back to it's original place and swiped his thumb against Calum's cheek.

He wrapped his arms back around Calum's neck when he felt the boy take a hand off his waist. He didn't want to let go of him. What he didn't expect was for Calum to trace Michael's plump lips with two of his fingers. Michael parted his lips when he thought Calum was going to pull away, but instead he pressed his fingers into Michael's mouth so that he could suck on them. Calum was looking at Michael's mouth and Michael was looking at Calum's eyes. "You're my best friend," Calum said, taking his fingers out of Michael's mouth and looking up at him "How could I not be nice to you?"


	10. Shut the fuck up Luke, you're using Google maps

The kiss was forgotten as soon as it happened and Calum decided not to mention Mr Richards. He felt awful for forcing Michael to tell him about something that seriously fucked him up as a child, and he didn't want to be the cause for some war flashbacks. He wasn't even sure if Michael remembered anything from that night as he woke up complaining and asking "Why the fuck are we outside? It's too bright! I bet this was your fucking idea, Cal."

As of now Michael, Calum and Luke were hunched together on Michael's bed because his mum was working the day shift so there would be no interruptions from her. "Why do I have to play the damn bass?" Calum grumbled for about the hundredth time.  
"Because Luke's the talented one here and he said so."  
"This isn't Simon fucking says, Mike."  
"No, it's Luke says," Michael said, reaching his arm out and pushing Calum off the bed.  
"Real mature, Clifford," He huffed, standing up and grabbing the bass that Luke had bought along. "How do I even play this?"  
"You'll learn," Luke said, shrugging.  
"A band with two ruggedly handsome guitar players is enough," Michael said, patting Calum's shoulder and receiving a scoff in return.

Two hours and one visit from a very annoyed neighbour later, the boys put down their instruments and laid on top of each other in the single bed. "I'm not loving this," Calum sighed, trying to move into a more comfortable position but failing.  
"Calum, every time you move you are literally grinding on my penis," Luke said from beneath him.  
"Ew," Calum said, rolling off of him and on to the floor.  
"I wouldn't mind grinding on to your penis," Michael said, wiggling his eyes at Luke. Now that Calum was laying grossed out on the floor they were both able to lay next to each other.  
"You're disgusting," Calum complained and scrunched up his nose in distaste. Michael wanted to kiss his nose.   
"I wouldn't hate that," Luke said, smiling at Michael, and holding his arms out as a signal for Michael to crawl into them.  
"Band hug!" Michael announced, waving his arm around behind him until it came into contact with Calum's hair. "Get up here you twat."  
"Fuck off."  
"Come on, Cal, don't be like that," Luke said, peering over Michael's head to see that Calum was sat cross legged on the floor looking over at them. "There's plenty of room for one more."  
"Calum's too hetero for this shit," Michael mumbled, tightening his grip around Luke's torso. Calum didn't respond.

"We have no time for cuddling anyway," Calum said, pulling himself up from the ground by the bed frame "Were supposed to be at the train station in like an hour."  
"Yeah but everyone's packed," Michael said, motioning to the three bag packs piled up in the corner of his room.  
"It's a half hour walk though," Calum said, standing up and grabbing bag. "And I know you two will dawdle."   
"But I'm so comfy," Luke complained, pulling Michael closer to him.  
"Do you want to go to the festival or nah?" Michael asked, untangling himself from Luke's clutches and stretching.  
"I do."  
"Well, come on then!"

Ever since they were fifteen Calum and Michael attended a huge music festival in Leeds. The tickets always costed a bomb so they would spend their summers at Maccies flipping burgers and getting burnt from the grease to save up. It would be their third consecutive year attending and this time they invited Luke to tag along. He bought the ticket the day after he'd agreed which led them into thinking he had some rich parents he was hiding from them. He probably did.

"I hate walking," Luke decided after five minutes.  
"How can walking be such a chore for you? Your legs are like 8ft," Calum complained, rolling his eyes.  
"They're not my legs, Cal."  
"What so now you have multiple dicks?" Michael questioned, which caused a smile from Luke.  
"The guys love it."  
"You're so annoying," Calum grumbled, bumping his shoulder with Luke's, who almost toppled over due to the unexpected contact.   
"And you're a dick."

The train journey was anything but spectacular. They'd managed to grab a four seater around a table. Michael had wedged into the corner seat and dragged Calum down next to him, leaving a pouting Luke to sit across from them. Michael and Calum had shared headphones and were listing to _Sticky Fingers_ together whilst Luke was kicking them under the table and then acting like he didn't do anything. Ten minutes into the trip Calum had to deal with a sleeping Clifford on his shoulder and sighed as he wrapped his arm around his waist and dropped his head on top of his.

When they finally reached Leeds Railway Station they had to deal with a grumpy Michael as his nap was cut short, not to mention a hyper Luke as he'd never been to a city like this before and was finding it hard to navigate his way through the large crowds of people rushing in every direction. Michael ended up linking their hands together so that he didn't wander off, and trailing closely behind Calum as they made their way to the bus stop.

"This is incredible," Luke breathed out when they had finally made it to the bus station. "Don't you think?" He asked, looking towards Calum and Michael who were staring at him like he'd lost the plot. He stood up from the rusty blue bench the three of them were perched on and held his hands out at his sides as he spun around.  
"Luke!" Michael shouted, standing up and striding towards him "We're not even there yet!"  
"I'm just so fucking happy," Luke smiled, taking both of the boys cheeks in his hands and pressing an over exaggerated kiss onto his lips.  
"You don't get out much, do you?" Calum asked from behind them. "Bus is here."

"Why are we getting off here?" Luke asks, following Michael and Calum down the steps of the bus and thanking the driver on his way out "According to my GPS we're still ten miles away."  
"Shut the fuck up Luke, you're using Google maps," Michael sighed "And you should trust us we've already done this twice before, we know what we're doing."  
"We're on the side of a road," Luke complains, "There is no pavement! Only grass."  
"Please shut up," Calum says, gripping Luke's bicep and dragging his arm towards him. "Stick your thumb up," Calum orders.  
"Hitch hiking is illegal, Cal," Luke says, raising his eyebrows at the boy.  
"So is murder but I'm willing to risk the prison time," Calum sighed "Just stick your damn thumb out."  
"Why me?"  
"Because you're the cutest out of us," Michael shrugs because he knows that now Luke will feel inclined to stick his thumb out. If he was dependent on cuteness he would have made Calum do it.  
"True," Luke shrugs, "How long does this usually take?"  
"Depends," Calum says, wrapping his arm around Michael's shoulders as they slowly start walking.  
"We might never get picked up."

Just as Luke said that, a yellow van pulled up at the side of the three boys. The windows were wound down so Michael walked up to the window and had to stand on his tip toes to look inside. There were two guys sat inside, the driver had curly hair and his dimples were prominent when he smiled at Michael. The other had short navy blue hair and Michael wished that he was punk rock enough to dye his hair that colour. "Are you guys off to Leeds fest?" Curly asked and Michael flashed his sweetest smile and nodded. "The back's open."

"Come on," Michael said, turning to the other guys. He and Calum walked round the back and opened up one of the doors "Luke, it's okay, you're not going to get murdered," Michael said once he'd noticed that Luke hadn't shifted from his spot. He sighed and held his hand out, which Luke hesitantly took, and they all clambered into the back and slammed the door shut.  
"Right, introductions," The blue haired guy said "I'm Alex, this bastard here is Ashton."  
"Hi," Ashton said, starting up the engine and set off driving.  
"I'm Michael, this one's Calum," He said, motioning over to him as he held a hand up in a sort of greeting, "And this is Luke," Luke just smiled up at Alex, "It's his first festival so he's a little nervous-ow!" Michael yelped, rubbing his hand over where Luke hit him even though it didn't hurt.  
"It's cool, we don't bite," Alex said, leaning forward and turning the radio on to Palaye Royale.  
"Unless you want us to," Ashton piped up.  
"Nah I'm good," Luke said "Only Mikes into that," Luke said, dodging the kick that Michael swung at him, and choosing to ignore the smirk that Ashton gave to Michael.


	11. He gave me magical herbs

Ashton parked up on the field and all five of the boys hopped out of the van. Michael, Calum and Luke thanked them for the ride and wandered around in search for a spot to set their stuff up at. Luke ended up in the middle of the other two and was forced to link arms with them because he wasn't trusted to roam about on his own. They ended up in the middle of a tie-dyed tent, that Luke liked the look of, and a neon pink tent as Calum thought that it'd be easy to find their boring green tent in the middle of the brightly coloured ones even if they were piss drunk or high as a kite.

The tent was up in a matter of minutes and Luke felt the urge to congratulate Michael and Calum on their 'tent skills' but he decided that all it would probably warrant is a punch in the balls, so he decided against it. "Panic! at the Disco's on soon," Calum muttered, digging through his bag for a blanket they could use "Metallica's headlining tomorrow."  
"Luke," Michael said, looking around until he made eye contact with the boy "Eat something, drink something and take a piss now," He said, picking up a bottle of water and throwing it at him "You might not get a chance later."  
"How long do the days usually last? Like, what happens?" Luke asked, unscrewing the lid and taking a small sip.  
"Well," Michael started "Cal and I usually set up our blankets with the rest of the people at the back," He said, motioning behind him where he could just about see a crowd forming around a stage, "Then, we drink some beer, talk to some strangers, take fuck loads of pictures, get wasted or high or both, then drag ourselves back to the tent when we can't handle it any more," He shrugged, helping Calum sort some of their stuff out.  
"Oh, okay," Luke quietly said.  
"What do you want to do, Luke?" Calum asked, finally standing up and throwing a bag on his back, that Luke presumed was filled with necessities.   
"I just want to have fun."

Luke was baked. It was nearing 5pm and he was sprawled out on top of a strangers lap with a joint hanging out of his mouth. "How do you feel, Luke?" He could only just make the voice out as he turned his head to the side and saw Michael sat next to him with a big dopey grin on his face.  
"Fantastic," Luke said, looking up at the sky, "I feel fabulous and free," he felt the joint being taken out of his mouth and wedged back in between his lips a moment later, "Fuck," He sighed, "This is fucking amazing."

"Oh no, what's he on?" Calum asked, sitting down next to Michael. Luke turned his head again, which caused him to furrow his eyebrows because _where the fuck did Calum come from?_  
"Relax, it's just weed," The stranger shrugged.  
"And who might you be?" Calum asked.  
"This is Jack," Michael said.  
"Oh and you're being Jack's voice?" Calum said whilst pulling the joint from Luke's mouth and finishing it himself.  
"He can be whatever he wants to be," Jack shrugged, running a hand through Luke's once quiffed hair. Calum couldn't help but wonder how many times he'd done that as Luke's hair was now lying flat against his forehead.

"Holy fuck!" Michael looked up and squinted at the sun, "Fancy seeing you guys here!" When the holder of a far-too-enthusiastic voice sat down, he was immediately recognised.  
"Ash!" Michael said, tackling him in a side hug.  
"Nice to see you too," Ash said, wrapping his arms around Michael's torso and pulling him down on his side so that they were laying down together, "I didn't know you knew Jack."  
"We don't," Calum said, lifting up a beer to his lips.  
"He gave me magical herbs," Luke said, smiling. He was alone now, Jack had somehow disappeared.   
"Weed," Michael clarified when Ashton looked at him with his eyebrows furrowed together.  
"That makes sense."

They'd probably spoken for an hour before Alex walked over to them, cheeks flushed, hair messy and missing a shirt. He dropped a bag of colourful pills onto Ashton's chest and said "With compliments," whilst waving to Michael and Calum. Luke was asleep.   
Ashton smiled up at him "Anyone want a hit?"  
"Is that even a question?" Calum asked, already reaching his hand out as Ashton filled it with several of the bright blue and red pills.  
"Michael?" He asked, Ashton was sat up now but Michael's head was in his lap, facing upwards at him. Instead of replying he opened his mouth and Ashton placed a couple of them in. Michael's tongue sucked Ashton's fingers as he drew his hand away. He smiled down at the boy and he took a few of the pills himself and handed the bag back to Alex.  
"Have fun tripping balls," Alex said, with a salute, as he walked away.

The pills kicked in fast and Calum suggested that they should help him carry Luke back to the tent before they forget. Ashton threw him over his shoulder and Michael and Calum were pleased that Luke took an interest in a tent that was one-of-a-kind so that they could easily locate it. Calum was still carrying their stuff so he threw it into a corner and set a blanket out for Ashton to lie Luke on. "You weren't kidding about this being his first festival," Ashton chucked as he glanced back at Michael.   
"He'll be better tomorrow," Michael shrugged, taking Ashton's hand and pulling him so that they were both kneeled in front of each other.

Calum was too busy checking Luke's breathing and making sure that there was a unopened bottle of water next to him for when he wakes up than to notice when Ashton cupped the sides of Michael's face and roughly pressed their lips together. He was pretty out of it. He laid down next to Luke and could feel the blood rushing through his veins as he tightly shut his eyes so much that he could see stars.

Ashton broke their kiss to pull off his and Michaels shirts and throw them to the side. Michael reached into Ashton's shorts to grab his cock, he couldn't tell if it was his hand or Ash's dick throbbing or which one felt like they were burning hot in the palm of his hand, but he could feel a small drop of pre cum dripping down his hand so he started building up a steady rhythm as Ashton grabbed hold of his neck and licked his way into Michael's mouth.

Ashton pulled away first and smirked at the line of saliva that was still connecting their mouths. He pushed Michael backwards and pulled down both of their shorts. In Michael's mind, colours seemed brighter. He was thinking about how the tent was a glowing lime, but from where he was laid everything seemed so dark and shadowy. He looked over at Calum, who's eyes were tightly closed and Michael knew he wasn't asleep. He was so _out of it_ that he didn't know how much time had passed or if Ashton had even prepared him before slamming his cock inside of him. All he knew was that it felt _so fucking good to feel this fucking full._

When Calum opened his eyes he was welcomed with the sight of his best friend getting pounded into. Michael's head was tilted back, he was aching to reach forward and touch his neglected cock but he presumed that _it was just the drugs talking._ Ashton's hands were firmly gripped around Michael's neck so much that the lack of oxygen Michael was receiving made him feel so much _lighter._ When Calum saw Ashton's face tensing and his harsh thrusts picking up speed, he reached his hand out and grabbed Michael's hand and threaded their fingers together.

Michael looked over in Calum's direction until he could locate his eyes. They were laid next to each other now and Ashton had released his grip on Michael' neck and had one hand tangling it's way through Calum's hair. The boy looked so vulnerable but he made no attempt at moving away. He chose to blame the drugs in the end as he reached forward and grabbed Michael's dick in his hand. The veins felt more prominent as he furiously stroked Michael through his orgasm, maintaining eye contact the entire time.

When Michael and Ashton came, Ashton rolled off of him and wiped his sweaty fringe out of his face. Calum wiped Michael's cum off of his hand and onto Luke's blanket, he'd think of a way to explain it later. He held his arms out for Michael to snuggle into - which he did. Calum kept telling himself that _he could just blame the drugs,_ but in reality he knew that he'd shoved them in his jacket pocket. He knew that he'd never took them. He knew how badly he wanted to be the cause of the small whines that Michael was making.

When the morning arrived Calum was being shook awake by a hungover Luke, wearing sunglasses inside the damn tent, "Did you guys fuck?"   
"What? Of course not," Calum grumbled.  
"Then why is Michael naked?" Luke asked, Calum looked over at the boy who was _still_ in Calum's arms. He ran a thumb across a couple of the white lines that adorned Michael's bicep that he'd never seen before.  
"Maybe he was too hot," Calum said, sitting up and finding no trace of Ashton.  
"Please shut the fuck up," Michael grumbled.   
Both of the boys looked down at him before Luke picked up his blanket and dropped it on Michael with an exclamation of "Is that cum?" Calum tried his best at innocently shrugging his shoulders where as Luke only sighed. "Fuck this, I'm going to find Jack."  
"Do you need me to come with you?" Calum asked, but Luke shook his head.  
"Wake up your boyfriend," He grumbled before storming off.


	12. It kind of made Michael forget how to breathe

When Michael finally resurfaced from wonderland the first thing he noticed was that he was all alone, the second was that it was incredibly hot and stuffy, and the third was that his arse burned like he'd just deposited a bunch of extra spicy food. He rolled onto his back and sighed, he could remember exactly what had happened the previous night and he didn't know whether it was a good or bad thing. He was disappointed that Calum wasn't by his side when he woke up seeing as he is his best friend. He figured that Calum must have remembered what happened last night too.

He dragged himself to his feet and tossed on a random band shirt and pair of skinny jeans, which he presumed were Luke's because the legs were awfully long. He rolled them up to his ankles and put on his boots before he stepped out of the tent. It was morning and the sun was hurting his head slightly. When he started walking over to the stage area he had to hold his hand up to shield his eyes so that he wouldn't step on anyone.

He was able to spot Luke straight away, standing in the middle of a crowd and spinning around with his arms stretched out at his sides _again._ Michael shook his head before jogging over to him. "Michael!" Luke shouted, holding his arms out for Michael to run into when he spotted him.   
"You're such a dork," Michael chuckled, gripping onto Luke's shoulders so that he was forced to face him, "Where's Calum?" He asked and started to regret it when he saw Luke's smile instantly drop.   
"He's over there with Ashton," Luke said, motioning near the front of the crowd with his hand.  
"Okay, thanks," Michael said, "Is everything okay, Luke?"  
"What? Yeah, everything's great. I mean, this is amazing!" Luke said, regaining his grin.  
"Okay, I'm going to find Calum, are you going to be alright here?" Michael asked, finally releasing his grip on Luke's shoulders. Luke just nodded and turned to a guy rolling up a spliff, which Michael knew would be dangling from Luke's lips in a few seconds.

There must have been at least a thousand people Michael ended up elbowing when he was trying to make his way nearer the front of the crowd, he didn't even bother apologising as they complained and shouted profanities at him. He wished that Luke was the one at the front because it'd be easy to spot his blonde quiff sticking up from the crowd any day. When he finally stumbled upon them he could tell that they were in a deep conversation about something. Usually, he'd turn away and let them talk, but he didn't just navigate a gigantic crowd for nothing. "Guys!" He shouted and Calum automatically looked over at him, he smiled and beckoned Michael over.

"Metallica are on soon," Calum said, grabbing Michael's wrist when he got closer and shoving him in between himself and Ashton.  
"Hi," Ashton smiled, slinging an arm around Michael's shoulders and kissing his temple. Michael just smiled up at him and turned towards Calum just in time to see him roll his eyes.  
"What's wrong?" Michael asked, leaning his head closer to Calum's as the crowd was getting louder at the anticipation that the band would be about to start as the crew members had now finished setting everything up and fled the stage. There was a plain black backdrop hung at the back of the stage now with the Metallica logo painted on in white paint.  
"It's nothing," Calum mumbled as the opening notes of My Friend of Misery started playing. If Michael wanted to question Calum and further he wouldn't have been able to hear his own voice in his head let alone Calum's, so he reached down and grabbed his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, before watching James Hetfield running on the stage.

The crowd went mindbogglingly wild and started jumping and thrashing around. Michael gripped onto Calum's hand harder when he tried to pull away and wished that Ashton would remove his fucking arm from his shoulder so that he could join in but he didn't. He smiled down at Michael and it kind of made Michael forget how to breathe for a moment. If he'd learnt one thing from today it was that Ashton looks bloody hot in a fedora.

When the set was over the majority of the crowd dispersed. Michael had no choice but to follow Ashton because his arm was still around his fucking shoulders and he was using the power from it to guide him over to Jack and Alex, and Michael refused to let go of Calum's hand so he was being dragged behind the pair grumbling about _how he's a third wheel._ Ashton only laughed at that and said, "You didn't mind last night," which made both Michael's and Calum's cheeks heat up and Ashton erupt in laughter again when he looked over at the two of them with faces as red as tomatoes.

"Wanna hit?" Was the first thing that Jack asked when the three boys approached them.   
Michael reached out to take the spliff but was cut off by Calum's hand and his utterance of "Absolutely."  
"Rough night?" Jack asked when Calum plonked himself next to him on their blanket.  
"Something like that," He muttered, holding the spliff out to Michael who happily took it.   
"Why is there such a huge obsession with smoking drugs?" Alex asked, "It's so much easier and fun to just take pills," He said, emptying the remaining contents from his _once full_ bag directly into his mouth.  
"The way it makes your lungs feel hot and heavier than your heart," Michael shrugged.  
"Alright Allen fucking Ginsberg," Calum laughed, snatching the spliff back and taking a long inhale.  
"Fuck off Cal, that's the only poet you know," Michael huffed, glaring at the boy and wedging his way beneath Ashton's arm.

Calum narrowed his eyes at the pair of them. Ashton had moved an arm around Michael's waist and was talking to him about _something._ He didn't even care what it was about, all he cared was that he'd managed to get Michael to show off this big fucking smile on his face and all because Ashton shoved his dick up Michael's arse. "Where's Luke?" He asked when the spliff had met its end.   
"He went off somewhere with the camera," Michael said as he held his hand out for it before Calum had the chance to stump it out and without thinking twice about it, he handed it over. He watched as Michael rolled his sleeve up slightly to the point where he could just see the pigments of damaged tissue from where Michael had burned himself before. The small pink blotches stood out on his porcelain skin. He didn't even react when Michael quickly glanced up at Ashton to make sure he wasn't looking and pressed the bud to his skin.

His face curled in on itself and his arm was being yanked away a second later. Michael whimpered at the lack of heat. He watched Ashton's hand snatch the bud from his own and throw it to the ground before pulling him close to his torso. Michael hissed when the thumb of Ashton's hand accidentally brushed over the blistering burn. Alex and Jack were just staring at Michael, and Calum was wondering whether he should have just pretended to be asleep last night.


	13. So what brings a seventeen year old to a drugs fest?

Luke sighed as he watched Michael's red head disappear into the crowd. He turned to the guy next to him once he heard a match being lit and watched as the first puff of smoke entered the atmosphere. He waited until Brad - _or fuck, Todd? Maybe it was James,_ inhaled and sat down cross legged in front of him. He grabbed his neck and connected their lips in an opened mouth kiss so that the second hand smoke clouded his lungs. When he pulled away the guy was smirking at him. He exhaled through the corner of his lips and smiled at the boy. "How old are you?" The boy asked and Luke considered giving him a fake age.  
"Seventeen," But he decided against it. And by the looks of the way the guy pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth as he smiled at Luke, made him sort of glad he didn't.  
"So what brings a seventeen year old to a drugs fest?"  
"My friends," He said, looking over to the stage but he couldn't see them, which made him sigh and drop his gaze to his lap. "They're somewhere over there."  
"Lucky you've got me for company," He said and hooked a finger under Luke's chin, forcing him to look up "Aren't you?" Luke gulped and nodded his head. This guy just screamed creep, and _he really wished his fucking friends hadn't ditched him._

Luke made a quick excuse about needing to piss and stumbled off in the opposite direction of the porter-potties, not caring if the guy realised or not. He was probably too high to notice. He fished out the camera that they bought with them from his pocket and decided to take photos of something. He ended up taking pictures of _everything._ From the way the sky was a pure blue to the used condom he almost stepped on. He spotted Michael's hair and so he covertly zoomed in on him and snapped a few pictures of him and Ashton snuggled up and couldn't help but get a few close ups of Calum smoking because _fuck, his jawline looked incredible._ He asked a few kind strangers to take his picture in front of things, and managed to collect two unused spliffs and at least twelve pills. He was going to ask if Michael or Calum knew what they were before he dared to take them though.

After an hour or so he found himself walking in the direction of their tent, so he downed a bottle of water and ate half of a Mars bar before going anywhere else. The festival was so enormous that he hadn't even explored a good half of it and he knew that they'd be leaving in the early hours of the morning so he decided he was going to do exactly that.

The first place he hit was the rides area. Why there was a need for a music festival to have rides he'd never know, but he joined the queue for the ferris wheel and wondered who he was going to be partnered with. A minute later he found himself sat next to a girl with dark skin and pink candy floss hair who introduced herself as Chrissy. She wasn't very talkative but Luke didn't mind, he was too busy grinning at how tiny all the people looked from his position and how they all looked more like paint blobs than human beings. He took a few pictures of that too.

He closed his eyes on the way down but still had a wide open-mouthed grin on his face that dried up all the saliva in his mouth. The day was warm but the wind from the movement was freezing and it felt like needles were forcing their way into his skin. Luke _loved_ it.

Luke was once quoted by Calum saying _"I hate Mumford and Sons with a burning passion,"_ but for some reason it didn't stop him blending into the crowd and dancing along to the set. Okay, maybe he thought 'fuck it' and took a few of the pills he found. He wasn't singing along with the rest of the crowd but he felt _amazing._ In Luke's mind, he felt himself merging with everyone else, he felt the vibrations from the energy of the crowd radiating onto him and pumping his veins with pure sugar because he was buzzing so much.

It wasn't until the encore that Calum was gripping onto his bony shoulder and dragging him out of the crowd. "Time to go," Calum said, wrapping his arm around Luke'd waist and dragging him along. As soon as the music in the background became more distant, and Luke could finally hear Calum clearly, he felt like his soul had been drained from his body and sucked back into the crowd. He could feel his legs wobbling and he couldn't help but fall limp in Calum's arms. "Shit," Calum muttered, gripping onto Luke tightly so that he wouldn't fall onto the ground. "You need food," he decided, carefully wrapping Luke's arms around his shoulders and resting Luke's chest against his back. "Luke, I need you to jump, okay?" Calum asked as Luke indecisively mumbled in return.

The first few attempts were failures and caused Calum to growl in frustration. "Luke, you need to concentrate," Calum said, gripping onto Luke's thighs and managing to lift them off the ground slightly. When Luke finally managed to crawl up Calum's back, Calum was sure to speed walk to Ashton's van, where all of their stuff was thrown precariously in the back. Michael helped to sit Luke up in the van before he jumped into the front with Ashton.  
"Is he okay?" Ashton asked, turning back and watching Calum trying to get Luke to eat a damn sandwich.  
"He will be," Calum said, not looking away from Luke's drooping eyes.

Michael glanced out the window and saw Jack and Alex heavily making out on what he presumed was Jack's car. There was a couple of guys stood next to them with their arms folded and looking rather impatient. Alex waved goodbye to them as he walked up to Ashton's van and Jumped in the back, slamming the door shut in the process, which caused the whole vehicle to shake. "Fuck," Alex said, "Is he good?"  
"Yeah," Calum said. Luke was now completely out of it and was laying head first in Calum's lap.  
"Everyone ready?" Ashton asked, turning on the engine and pulling out of his spot before anyone had a chance to respond. He looked over at Michael and smiled before switching on the radio.


	14. Do it on the flowerbed

After a lot of arguing from Michael, Ashton finally got his address out of him and dropped the three of them outside his house. Well, technically it was his neighbours house because Michael wanted to be extra careful. It turned out that Ashton and Alex lived in Nottingham, which was only an hour or so drive away, and it was 5 in the morning so there wasn't much traffic. Michael still felt pretty guilty being the reason that Ashton had to drive a couple of extra hours, but he assured him it was because he was _'scared that Luke would wake up zombie,'_ he didn't really understand what that meant.

"Come here," Ashton said, leaning out of his window when everyone climbed out. He grabbed Michael's arm and wrote out his mobile number on it before grabbing the collar of Michael's shirt and tugging it so that he could briefly attach their lips. He kicked Alex for making a gagging sound and looked sternly into Michael's eyes as he said "Don't call me," Michael stared at him for a moment before he busted out laughing and waved Ashton off.

"Ugh," Luke grumbled, standing up straight and holding onto Michael's neighbours' fence. "I think I'm gonna hurl."  
"Do it on the flowerbed," Michael said, picking up his and Luke's bags and turning away when he heard Luke coughing and a few spluttering sounds.  
"That's disgusting," He heard Calum mutter, but he was too busy unlocking his front door and turning on the hallway light. He noticed his mums work shoes were by the hall so she must have had the night off.  
"Mum's asleep so keep quiet," Michael said, popping his head round the doorway and watching as Luke and Calum made their way down the path.

Michael refused to let Luke step into his room without showering first because he stunk so much. "Do you want to join me?" Luke asked Michael, wiggling his eyebrows.  
"Fuck off," was the only response he received as he sighed and asked to borrow a towel and some clothes.  
"Towel's in the cupboard near the sink," Michael said. He opened up his wardrobe and grabbed a pair of jogging bottoms and handed them over to Luke before he turned back to Calum, who was sprawled out face first on Michael's bed in his underwear.

Michael smiled to himself and shook his head as he took off his jeans and walked over to him. "Rude," Calum muttered when Michael slapped his bum.  
"Move," Michael demanded as he tried to wriggle under the duvet.  
"Make me," Michael sighed and shoved Calum so that he flipped onto his back and climbed into bed. "Am I allowed to go under the covers?" Calum asked, huffing when Michael flipped him off. He took that as a yes and scooted beside Michael, purposely putting his cold feet on Michael's warm legs and causing him to groan.  
"Dammit, Cal," Michael huffed, turning around so that they were facing each other.

What he wasn't expecting was for Calum to have taken up half of his pillow, and for their faces to be centimetres apart when he turned around. Calum's eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep yet, his cold feet were still pressed up against Michael's legs and the faint smell of stale beer was flooding Michael's nostrils every time Calum breathed out.   
"Budge up," Luke mumbled, lifting the corner of the duvet up. Neither of them heard him come in.  
"There's not enough room," Calum said once he'd opened his eyes and looked over at Luke.  
"Then make room."  
"No," Michael mumbled, snatching the duvet out of Luke's hand and snuggling into the pillow.   
"You guys are dicks," Luke whined, climbing over Michael and Calum, managing to dodge their hands as they reached out for his ankles and tried to stop him from stepping all over them, and squeezing in between Calum's back and the wall.  
"Screw you, Hemmings!" Calum complained, elbowing Luke's torso.  
"Maybe some other time," Luke winked, only to get elbowed again.  
"Shh, sleeping," Michael mumbled, turning away from the two and trying to get his fair share of the single duvet that the three of them were _supposedly_ sharing.   
"Yeah, shut it, Luke," Calum mumbled, wrapping his arms around Michael and snuggling into his back. Luke pouted and tried to wrap his arms around Calum but instead was met with a kick and Calum saying "Don't even think about it," in a warning tone.

However, when Calum found himself waking up at 1pm, he felt Luke's bony arms wrapped around his torso. He sighed, wiping the sleep out of his eyes until they focussed on Michael's back. He was sat cross legged on the floor playing Halo and was concentrating too much to notice Calum stirring. The empty space next to him was stone cold which meant that Michael had been up for a while and Calum was starting to wonder whether Michael went to sleep at all.

He managed to unwrap Luke's arms from around himself and silently twist so that he could sit up on the bed and have his legs planted on the ground. Calum rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair a couple of times before he stood up and stretched causing his back to crack and pop before he let his arms drop back to his sides. He stumbled over to where Michael was sat and plopped down next to him. Michael only tore his eyes away from the screen for half a second to smile at the tired boy.

Calum poked at Michael's elbow until he lifted it enough for Calum to be able to rest his head on his lap, which was the sight that Luke was welcomed to when he woke up almost an hour later, whining about how no one wanted to cuddle him. Their position looked pretty uncomfortable as Michael's legs were still crossed and Calum's head was laid part on Michael's knee and part on his thigh. The majority of Calum's vision was also blocked because Michael's hands, which were clutching at his controller, were right in front of Calum's face. It didn't seem to bother the boy though. "You guys are so cute," Luke said, in a mocking tone. Calum flipped him off before turning his attention back to Michael's game.

"Are we eating today or nah?" Luke asked, wrapping the entire duvet around his shoulders and standing up. There was no way in hell he was going to let an ounce of the heat he'd created go.   
"Go order pizza," Michael mumbled and Calum nodded in response.  
"Any preferred toppings?"  
"Pepperoni for Mike, plain for me."  
"Okay," Luke said, opening Michael's door and looking round the hallway for a phone he could use. "Where's your phone?" He shouted after a minute of routing.  
"Use my laptop and order online."


	15. And finally, after what felt like an eternity

The adrenaline each of the boys could feel pumping through their veins was incredible. They all felt invincible and immortal at that moment, like they could do absolutely anything and the outcome would be grand. They all piled into Ashton's van, Luke and Calum sat in the back squished in the middle of all their instruments, but they didn't seem to mind at that point. Michael was sat beside Ashton unable to wipe his stupidly wide grin off of his face. He glanced over to Ashton who smiled at him and squeezed his thigh. "I can't believe we did a fucking show," Calum said. Michael twisted around in his seat and rested his chin on his folded arms by placing them on the back of the front seats. He smiled at Calum as he spoke "We're amazing."  
"Fucking amazing," Luke chimed in. 

Michael didn't tear his eyes from Calum but he knew Luke would have been smiling too. He had to hide his fond smile behind his arms as he looked up at Calum, mindlessly chatting with Luke, hardly noticing his friends fixated stare on him. "Hey," Ashton said, patting Michael's leg so that he turned back around "Roll down your window," Michael frowned but decided not to question it. He was more than happy to conform to anything when he felt like _this._

The window got stuck at least twice and in the end Michael had to harshly push down on the glass. He heard Ashton fumbling around with some tapes and a few moments later _Paranoid Android_ by _Radiohead_ was flooding through the speakers. Michael leaned back in his seat and stuck his arm out the window. His eyes were shut and he still had a dopey smile on his face as the cold air numbed his arm. He could care less about his blood circulation at this point. He couldn't even tell Luke and Calum's voices apart as time dragged on. 

It wasn't until he felt a pair of lips brushing against his neck that he dragged himself back into reality and looked over at Ashton. "We're at the park," Ashton said before jumping out the van. Michael sat up and watched through the mirror as Ashton ran up to Calum and Luke and jumped on Luke's back, almost sending the two toppling onto the floor. He sighed before heaving his door open and running over to Calum and slinging his arm around his shoulders.

The bright blue sky was now dark and as Michael dragged Calum over to the swing set, much to the younger boys distaste as he wasn't fond of swinging, he wondered how long they'd been driving for. 

Michael lent back on his swing and stared up at the glimmering stars as he slowly moved. There weren't many stars out and it made Michael feel a little sad. The pout that made it's way was soon turned into a smile once Calum's face made it's way into his view. He was stood behind Michael's swing, looking down at him. The shadows on his face made him look strange but Michael didn't care. His smile only increased once Calum placed his hands at either side of Michael's face and leaned down. He watched as Calum's pupils dilated moments before he closed his eyes and finally, after what felt like an eternity, kissed him. It was nothing more than a long peck. Michael could feel where Calum had bit at his bottom lip and he wanted to swipe his tongue over the indents, but seeing as they were in a spider-man position, it would have been impeccably hard to do so.

When Calum pulled away, Michael's chest felt like a weight had been lifted off it. He took one hand off of the swing's chains and placed it on top of Calum's, his thumb traced lightly across the tan boys skin. He was scared to press down too hard, he didn't want Calum to pull away. "I love you so fucking much, Michael," Calum whispered. Michael didn't think it was possible to feel any happier.  
"I know," He said, patting Calum's hand before sitting up and standing up from the swing. He manoeuvred around the set and gently grabbed Calum's cheeks, tilting his head down so that he could place a gentle kiss on Calum's forehead. "And I love you too."

Calum grinned and moved to kiss Michael again but he was stopped by two firm hands on his shoulders. "Let's go find Luke and Ash," Michael said, lacing his fingers with Calum's and dragging the confused boy to where they were sat under a tree.

"So what happens now?" Ashton asked as he pulled up outside Michael's house.  
"Well, you're in the band," Luke shrugged.  
"Oh so I get no choice in this?"   
"Absolutely not," Calum said "And besides, you're the only person we know who can drive."  
"Oh so I'm just your chauffeur?" Ashton jokingly asked, turning towards Michael, who hadn't said a word since they left the park.  
"Yeah," He muttered before opening his door "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Michael didn't use to question when Calum invited himself in and snuggled up with him in his bed. If anything he appreciated the company and it made him feel less shit when he woke up in the mornings with a Calum in his arms, but for some reason his mood had plummeted. "Michael, wait!" Calum shouted after him, running up his path as Michael fumbled with his keys. He heard Ashton drive off so he left the door open when he walked inside for Calum. His mum's work shoes were gone so he threw Calum the keys to lock up.

"Are you just going to ignore me now?" Calum asked. They were both in bed and Calum was wrapped up in Michael's arms like they usually were, only this time it didn't feel half as warm and comforting as it usually did.  
"What do you want me to say, Cal?" Michael mumbled into Calum's hair, pulling him closer.  
"Anything would be good right now."

Michael was silent for a moment before he said "We're not going to date, if that's what you were thinking," Calum felt himself deflate at the soft tone of Michael's harsh words "I don't do the whole boyfriend boyfriend thing."  
"I know," Calum whispered. He couldn't stop himself from saying "I'm not him, Mikey, I'm not," He managed to wiggle out of Michael's grip so that he could look at Michael's emotionless face. "I'm not gonna leave you, or hurt you," Michael didn't even blink.  
"Go to sleep, Cal," Michael muttered, turning his back on Calum.

He waited an hour or two before getting up and throwing on a random band shirt and pair of jeans before climbing out his window. Michael thought Calum would have been asleep but he wasn't. He heard Michael slowly shut the window and he had to bite the pillow to stop himself from sobbing at how cold Michael's bed felt.

Michael found himself at the pub a few minutes later and it wasn't long before he was dragged into the bathroom and there was a strangers cock down his throat.


	16. You've just added to the level of rudeness

When Michael didn't return in the morning Calum wasn't surprised. He wasn't expecting him too. After feeling sorry for himself for a few hours he decided to drag himself to Luke's before he had a chance to leave for college - there was no way in hell that either of them would be attending today.

"What crawled up your butt?" Luke asked as soon as he opened the front door and saw Calum leaning against the door frame with his head hanging low.  
"Fuck off," Calum muttered, pushing past Luke and heading straight to the kitchen. By the time Luke had closed the door and trailed after him half his carton of apple juice was running down Calum's oesophagus.  
"Well that's rude."  
"Your face is rude."  
"You've just added to the level of rudeness."  
"Luke, please stop talking, there are no such things as levels of rudeness, if there were fucking Michael would be at the top tier," He put the carton back the the fridge and slammed it shut as Luke let out an exasperated sigh. "And if you want to talk about being rude that was." 

"What did he do this time then?" Luke asked, jumping up on the counter which caused Calum to roll his eyes.  
"It wouldn't hurt for you to sound a little more caring," Calum mumbled. "He just left, like right in the middle of the night and didn't come home."  
"Is that it?"  
"The fuck do you mean is that it?" Calum snapped.  
"He probably went to meet some guy, don't take it personally."  
"What do you know?"   
"Just a guess," Luke shrugged, "Come on, don't want to be late for sociology!" He fake grinned, patting Calum's shoulder as he planted his feet back on the ground.  
"We're not going."  
"Yes we are!" Luke chimed, wrapping his arm around Calum's shoulders and dragging him into the hallway. "And you never know, Michael might be there."  
"He doesn't have any classes today, doofus."  
"Still, we've got A Levels to take, my friend!"   
"I don't even have my books," Calum sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.  
"Good job I have mine then."

By the end of the day after a few calls and messages from Calum and Luke sent to Michael, there was still no response. Calum was worried. At first he thought that maybe he'd got Ash to pick him up and they were too busy humping to let anyone know that Michael was okay. Calum decided that if anyone knew where he might be it would be him mum.

"Calum?" She asked when he walked in through the front door, "If you're looking for Michael he's not here."  
"Do you know where he is?" She sighed and ran a hand over her face before nodding.  "Well?"  
"He left me this," She said, fishing out her phone from her pocket and opening up a text.  
_'Before you panic I'm safe, I'm going to be spending some time with a friend for a while in Boston, I don't know when I'll be back.'_

All of Calum's anger seemed to rise in his chest and bubble in his veins. He handed back Ms Clifford her phone and stormed out, shaking the flat when he slammed the door. He couldn't believe Michael could just pack up and leave because of him. He didn't even say goodbye. He grabbed his ringing phone from his pocket and resisted the urge to smash his screen on the pavement rather than answering the call.  
"What?" He spat, stomping down the street.  
_"Okay you're not in a good mood,"_ Ashton nervously chuckled.  
"He's fucking gone, Ash!"  
_"What? Who left?"_  
"Fucking Michael fucking left."  
_"Did he say anything?"_ Calum was shocked at how worried Ashton sounded. He almost laughed.  
"Something about a friend in Boston, ring any bells?"  
_"None. Did you ask Luke?"_  
"Well seeing as I found out twenty seconds ago no."  
_"Calm down, Cal."_  
"Don't fucking tell me to calm down! Fuck this!" He shouted down the phone before hanging up, ignoring the dozens of stares he was receiving, and marched over to Luke's house.

He didn't bother knocking this time and walked straight into the living room where he found Luke watching an episode of Sponge Bob with unopened text books and notes scattered around him on the floor. "Twice in one day, aren't I lucky?"  
"He's in Boston with a friend," Calum said, side stepping the papers and sitting down next to him.  
"Really?" Luke asked and Calum nodded "Fuck. Did he say when he'd get back?" Calum shook his head. "So what? That's it? Let's go to Boston!" Luke said, jumping up and sitting down straight away due to the wave of dizziness that hit him.  
"We're not going to Boston."  
"Why not?" Luke asked, wrapping an arm around Calum's waist hoping to provide some sort of comfort.  
"He just left Luke, he doesn't want us to go after him."  
"How do you know that?"  
"Because Michael doesn't like people knowing shit about him, he won't be back for a while," Calum sighed, moving away from Luke's embrace.  
"You're his best friend, Cal, you should go."  
"Do you think he'd do the same for me?" Calum asked and Luke didn't respond, which was all the confirmation he needed.

The thing about Michael Clifford was that his actions always seemed to be spontaneous, half the time he didn't even seem to realise what he was doing until he was half way through it. He'd shout and scream from the top of his lungs for no reason, or hide away in his room for days on end and refuse to see anyone. No one questioned it because it was just Michael. 

As time went on no one heard anything from him. Calum and Luke finished their A Levels, Luke got 2 A's and a C, Calum 3 B's. He could hear Michael's voice in his head saying _'Sorry Mrs Hood, I'm the reason as to why Calum received 2 U's and an E'_ when he signed to collect them. He was sort of disappointed that they'd crossed Michael's name out from the list because he was never there to take his exams. He got accepted to Boston Uni and turned them down straight away, choosing to opt for York instead. Luke was going to attend Leeds but never got the opportunity too as for some bizarre reason 5 Seconds of Summer were getting noticed. They were getting popular. 

A few years passed as Luke, Calum and Ashton toured around, playing shows. At the start it wasn't anything big, just opening up for a few bands before they got to play their own shows. Ashton got a girlfriend, Luke got a boyfriend and Calum was always teased for being the single one in the band.  At least once a week they'd receive a question about Michael from the fans. Ashton was the one who usually covered that topic. He'd say that he left, probably to go to Uni, and they don't hear much from him these days. 

That was a lie. They never heard anything from him.

For a solid two years Calum was convinced Michael was dead. He knew he was unstable and he thought maybe he killed himself. But when he thought about that he'd end up curled up in his bunk, crying over the old covers he'd watch that had Michael in until he fell asleep. It wasn't until the day after  his 21st birthday when he was at alone in a coffee shop trying to get rid of his hangover that he knew he was wrong.

He was in a pissy mood as Luke had pulled out the pictures that he'd taken at Leeds which felt like a lifetime ago. The ones of Michael and Ashton snuggling up was the last straw. He knew Luke meant no harm by them and wanted to laugh about the ones he'd had strangers take of him that accidentally had a couple making out or fucking in the background that he had to crop before he could post on Twitter. 

He heard the chair opposite him scraping across the floor and looked up ready to complain but was instead met with a pair of green orbs and a mop of black hair. "Hi, Cal," Michael breathed, with a small smile on his face. Calum sort of froze. Three years ago this was the guy he'd introduce to people by wrapping an arm around his waist and saying ' _This is Mike, my best friend.'_ Three years ago he'd have done anything for him. 

The only thing he seemed to recognise were the prominent dark circles under Michael's eyes and how dull everything looked. He looked different but he was still the same. "You said you were in Boston." Calum said, ignoring the tears that were welling up in his eyes.  
"I was."  
"You never said goodbye." Calum croaked, embarrassed of the way his voice still cracked _after three fucking years._  
"I was gonna kill myself that night, y'know," Michael sighed, "That's why."  
"I could've helped," Calum said, reaching across the table and taking Michael's hands in his. They felt cold and _numb._  
"I'm okay, Cal," Michael sighed, "I don't even know why I came over I just saw you and I thought fuck no, that can't be Calum, because you guys have done so well and you did the band stuff and-"  
"Mike," Calum said, cutting him off for his rant and instead causing a sheepish look to spread across his face. "I'm glad you did."  
"Yeah?" He asked, and the smile on his face looked genuine for once.   
Calum nodded and squeezed Michael's hands before saying "Why didn't you go home?"  
"I don't have a home anymore," He shrugged.  
"What do you mean? Where do you stay?"  
"They put me in a half way house over here," Michael said as Calum nodded along.  
"That's good."  
"Is it? I have to be back at 9pm every night so that kind of blows."  
"But you're good," Calum said.

 _"Is that Michael Clifford?"_ Calum over heard someone whisper. "Hey, do you wanna go see Ash and Luke?" Calum asked, eyes shining with hopefulness.  
Michael was going to say no but he noticed a couple of camera flashes and reluctantly nodded along "Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice."

At first it was pretty strange for Michael to be added back into the mix. Calum clung onto him like a baby koala and managed to forget all about the hurt he'd been put through. When Michael was classed as able 'to be released back into society' he moved in with Calum. And although, he was asked on numerous occasions by both the band and their fans as to whether he wanted to join the band again, he'd always say no, but he never left again. He was practically in the band anyway seeing as he attended every show and awards ceremony and pretty much everything to do with the band. He was happy to be on the side lines. 

After admitting about what had happened with Mr Richards to his new therapist he was finally able to come to terms with things. He decided to never go to the police but he'd finally learned why he could never seem to be in a stable relationship or trust people enough to unload his secrets on them. And after touring with them for a year, he'd built up enough courage to ask Calum out, and of course he'd said yes. Sure, their relationship wasn't perfect and went at an excruciatingly slow pace but they were happy. Everything was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> So congratulations if you made it to the end! Not so if you got bored halfway through and went to the last chapter to see how it ended as you'll probably be slightly confused. I wrote this over a course of one of the worst months of my life, which included a couple of mental breakdowns and an almost suicide attempt so that's why it's a bit shit. Thanks for taking time to read this, your comments and votes really mean a lot but don't feel obliged to leave any. Also I'm in love with my straight friend (and it's the first time I'm admitting it to myself) so if anyone has any advice on that I wouldn't hate it. Thanks.


End file.
